A Series of Omake
by Nyodrite
Summary: 3) Kakashi-chan stared. "No more babysitting duty?" the jōnin offered.
1. A Long Fall

**1 - A Long Fall**

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* * *

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 **Omake - Kakashi:**

"It's just _cooking_." Kakashi told himself, irritated at his own reluctance. "So what if I don't like _tempura_ -" Here his nose wrinkled because fried food was _disgusting_. "-making Tōsan tendon isn't like creating an A-Rank jutsu."

Then, to the empty kitchen, he wondered aloud, "It's just cooking, what could go wrong?"

A lot. A _lot_ could go wrong.

.

 **Omake - Minato:**

For a moment, Minato just _stared_ at his miniature student.

The boy was _filthy_ ; some kind of yellow-ish dough matting his usually white hair, chunks of rice stuck to various parts of him along with bits of meat and he was covered in flour. He also had a bandage wrapping his left forearm.

" _What happened?_ " Minato asked, bewildered.

Kakashi looked mutinous as he asked, "Do you know how to make Tendon, Sensei?"

As it turned out, Minato did _not_.

.

 **Omake - Kushina:**

"...right." Kushina stared at the two, shook her head then said. "Alright. First thing? Kakashi-kun go take a shower. Minato-baka, get cleaned up you are on look out duty. You're to warn us if Sakumo-sama is heading home before I manage to teach Kakashi-kun to cook tendon."

Minato blinked as his student went to shower. "And if you _don't_ manage?"

"You'll be living up to your name as the Yellow Flash and get us take-out, while I coach Kakashi-kun through a seal that keeps things warm and hope Sakumo-sama doesn't notice the difference." Kushina declared.

* * *

 **Remember that chapter from Things From Tumblr? Turns out Sakumo was massively overestimating his son's cooking prowess.**


	2. Time Travel - Cousin

**2-** **Time Travel - Cousin**

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* * *

.

 **Omake - Kakashi:**

"We're thinking of having a kid." Kaori announced.

Kakashi was silent for a beat then nodded. "Right. I'm moving out."

"W-what?" Sakumo sputtered.

He sent the 'legend' a flat look. "You're trying to have a _child_. Do you know how children are made?" Kakashi said. "Because _I_ do and I don't want to be anywhere _near_ here when _that_ is happening

.

 **Omake - Minato:**

"Hatake Kakashi..." Minato mused as he hurried to where Jiraiya-sensei had told him to meet at. "I wonder if we can be friends.."

His unvoiced thoughts were of Hatake _Sakumo_ whom, despite being a living legend, seemed as odd- as _human_ \- as Sensei did.

Also- "Where _do_ children come from that Kakashi-kun needed to move out?"


	3. First Mission &What Went Wrong(Basicaly)

**3 -** **First Mission & What Went Wrong (Basically)**

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* * *

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 **Omake - Minato:**

"...So!" Minato eventually said.

Kakashi-chan _stared_.

"Ah..." He faltered.

The child then repeated, "It'll be fine."

"It wasn't-" Minato tried.

Kakashi-chan the said, with great emphasis, _" **What** _ could _go_ **wrong** _."_

"No more babysitting duty?" the jōnin offered.

Finally, _finally_ , the genin blinked. "I believe that would be best, Minato- _san_."

Minato slumped, not even a week and his little genin stopped calling him 'sensei'.


	4. Crossover - Hogwarts, Reborn

**4 -** **Crossover - Hogwarts, Reborn**

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* * *

.

 **Omake - Uzumaki Naruto:**

"I can't believe it!" Naruto huffed irritably.

Sasuke, whom didn't even look away from the card game he was playing with Itachi and Shisui _and_ Obito, said in an utterly deadpanned voice, "Believe it."

Sakura, who was taken the time granted to them to get to know her Uchiha in-laws, laughed but obligingly asked. "Can't believe what, Naruto?"

"Sensei!" Naruto burst and offered his father a half apologetic and half sheepish look when the Yondaime glanced up from where he was arguing with the Sandaime and Nidaime Hokage about jutsu. "He was the first to, well, _die-_ " Here, even _Sai_ winced a bit. "-but he's not here yet!"

Yamato-who-became-Tenzo-when-Sensei-was-Hokage-then-Yamato-again-when-Naruto-was-Hokage looked over from where he'd been gleefully extracting childhood stories from one Hatake Sakumo (and wasn't _that_ a mind-boggling meeting because Sensei has a _dad_ and his dad was _awesome_ \- even if he didn't tell them anything about the Mask, which had earned it's capital letters when it was added to Sensei's Hokage Mountain face). "Well, you know Kakashi-senpai, Naruto."

"Still!" Naruto protested then, utterly frustrated, cried out. " _SENSEI! YOU'RE **LATE!**_ "

.

 **Omake - James Potter:**

James sighed.

Peter blinked and looked at his new friend, "What's wrong?"

"Just-" James said. "Kind of wish Sirius was a Gryffindor- a Black who's not Slytherin has to be pretty cool, right?"

Peter shrugged and returned to his lunch.

.

 **Omake - Lily Evans:**

"...he never said." Lily realized belatedly.

Her new companion, the shy boy- Remus Lupin- from the boat ride, glanced at her. "Pardon?"

"I sat with Sirius on the train," Lily explained. "We talked about what House we'd want to go to but when asked he never actually said which one- only that his family were all Slytherins."

Remus' eyes narrowed a bit in thought as he glanced at the Hufflepuff table. "So you think he planned-..?"

"I think," Lily finally said. "That our time at Hogwarts is going to be an interesting one."

* * *

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 **Omake - Helga Hufflepuff:**

"Do you require some assistance, cub?" Helga asked.

The young Black went still in a way that made her ache _(made her wish she still had her body so she could rip into anyone whom hurt one of **hers** so much he immediately expected an attack) _ before turning towards her with a _(false false FALSE)_ smile that was tucked behind his scarf. "No, Lady Hufflepuff. I'm fine."

She let that last sentence settle into silence, let the echo expose the lie it was then said. "Milly, a cup of Hot Chocolate wouldn't be remiss."

"Wha-" Her heart-hurting cub started before a steaming mug of hot chocolate appeared on a table.

"I find," Helga said as the took the mug in his hands. "That a cup of hot cocoa can work wonders when sleep is difficult to come by."

Grey eyes blinked and the words were almost lost when he took a drink but she heard their sincerity. "Thank you."

"I think Godric would have liked you," She told him, it was a lie because she knew her brother in all but blood would have _loved_ this brave little warrior-cub whom turned his back on centuries of tradition. "If I may, while you finish your cup, reminisce about him aloud?"

Because Helga may not have the body needed to be her Clan's Champion anymore but she could still be here, in the quiet moments when fears and old wounds hit, for her cubs. "The first time we met, I thought Godric a woman and he believed me a man..."

.

 **Omake - Pomona Sprout:**

"I apologize," Pomona smiled at the... _concerned_ parents and if her smile was a bit on the frosty side, well, who could say? "But I don't believe I heard you right. I could have sworn that you were... _asking_ -" More accurately demanding not that any non-Hufflepuff _cared_. "That I evict a first year from _my_ House."

 _My Clan_. Wasn't said but the few Hufflepuff parents whom had been dragged along by their spouses heard it loud and clear if their grimly understanding and resigned looks were anything to go by- because this was an attack on one of her cubs which meant an attack on the Clan.

And Hufflepuff did not let such attacks go unpunished.

.

 **Omake - Amos Diggory:**

When it came time for mentors to choose their cubs, there was just the slightest bit of hesitation because of Sirius Black. Not because they would shy from their new firstie due to a _name_ but because they _knew_ that anyone whom became Sirius' mentor would become a target- would have to be continuously alert because their charge was a target, would have to prepare for the eventuality that Sirius' family might react badly enough that they'd disown him then it would be _their_ duty to look after the eleven year old and somehow explain to their family _why_ they _had_ to welcome a _Black_ into their homes and families- and they weren't sure if they _could_ do it.

But a Hufflepuff never backs down when Clan was on the line- especially a Cub, so they _would_ do it but it was a debate on who would be _best_ for Sirius.

Amos looked at the first year, saw how _small_ he was and how _thin_ and how he kept himself a bit away from the rest and how he hid half his face in his scarf, and just _moved_. "Looks like it's you and me, cub."

Grey eyes blinked a bit, a bit startled before a sly kind of amusement took over. "...can I get a refund?"

Amos laughed because he didn't know what the future may bring but, in that moment, he felt he made the right choice.

.

 **Omake - Regulus Black:**

Regulus put down the letter, shaking his head. "Must you always cause trouble, _Niisan_?"

Part of him pitied the unsuspecting Hufflepuffs that were about to deal with Team 7's famous kind of luck. Another part of him wished he could explain to their parents why it was for the best the Sirius wasn't in Slytherin because the luck- which was strong enough to carry over through _reincarnation_ so it really deserved it's legendry status- would have Slytherin boycotting and rioting by the end of the year over the Black Heir.

Not that rioting might not happen _anyways_ , Kakashi gave Sirius such an _odd_ sense of humor.


	5. Jiraiya's Shop

**5- Jiraiya's Shop**

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* * *

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 **Omake - Obito:**

"Ahaha..." Obito laughed nervously.

Kakashi _stared_.

"Y-you can't blame me, r-right?" Obito tried.

The glare said that _yes_ his friend could and _did_ blame him.

"I-its not like I _knew_." the Uchiha said.

Those _eyes_ , they were soul-eating _monstrosities_.

"I'm sorry!" He blurted. "I'll go and explain to Sensei! Alright!? Just stop with the _eyes_!"

Kakashi blinked.

Obito slumped, distantly hearing Rin's giggling as he said, "Oh thank _god_."

.

 **Omake - Jiraiya:**

"Hahaha..." Jiraiya tried to laugh off.

Tsunade snored. Orochimaru ignored him.

But.

Sakumo- Sakumo _stared_ , unblinkingly with that soul-devouring stare he'd developed when they were back in Uni.

"It's not my fault!" He protested.

Orochimaru snorted from his little corner of their jail cell and Sakumo's stare turned into a _glare_.

"I," Sakumo said, low and slow and frighteningly like a growling wolf. "Just dealt with the shame of calling _my son_ to _bail me out of **jail**_ thanks to you _Jiraiya!_ And you **_dare_** _say it's not you_ **fault!?** "

Jiraiya cringed, shooting a glance at his old uni roommate only to find the Orochimaru looked gleefully amused at the Hatake loosing control of his temper. "I'm sorry...?"

"You're _sorry_..?" Somehow Sakumo's whisper was worse then his growling yell. "Sorry isn't going to cut it _Jiraiya-san_."

And that, with the sudden addition of the '-san', was when Jiraiya knew he was fucked.


	6. Ideas

**6- Ideas**

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* * *

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 **Omake - Guardian, Minato:**

"He followed me home," Minato's student said in an utterly deadpanned voice as if he _wasn't_ being shadowed by a giant, nine-tailed fox demon that had been wreaking havoc on the village- from where the blond stood, he could see not a few ninja watching the teen with disbelief. "Can I keep him?"

The Kyuubi growled lowly at that but did nothing else beyond settling between the teen and the rest of the ninja- as if it were acting as a _shield_ \- and Minato felt far away as he said, "I don't know, keeping a bijuu is a big responsibility."

More like _huge_ and only ever with _jinchuuriki_ which his student was obviously _not_.

"I'll make sure to feed him and walk hi-" Kakashi cut off when the Kyuubi snarled but, while everyone else tensed for an attack, the teen merely looked at the angry, looming demon with wide, faux-innocent eyes that seemed to ask, _'Was it something I said?'_

A part of Minato wondered if it wouldn't have been better to die sealing the Kyuubi into a new jinchuuriki.

.

 **Omake -Serial Killer AU, Rin:**

Nohara Rin is twelve years old and her granny is dying.

Granny breathes through a tube, with the help of a machine. She looks old and frail, nothing like the woman who would take Rin on long hikes to teach about all the plants that grew near their home. She worn and haggard and so, so _tired_ but forced to keep going through this pain because the selfish, _selfish_ people who called themselves family.

When Granny asks her to unplug her machine, Rin can do nothing but agree.

.

 **Omake - Newspapers, Kakashi:**

" _You!_ " Kakashi snarled.

The ANBU in question whirled, letting out a rather mortifying squeak. "M-me?"

"This newspaper thing was your idea." He growled, advancing.

"Um." The ANBU said then ran away in a shunshin, Kakashi followed with Chidori.

He wouldn't kill the idiot but he was going to scare the _ever loving shit_ out of the moron.


	7. The Pilot

**7- The Pilot**

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* * *

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 **Omake - Jiraiya:**

"Sensei!" Jiraiya cried, bursting into the old man's office with the mini-Hatake in his grasp while the full grown one followed.

The Senju brothers glanced up when they entered but returned to their work- though Hashirama took Tobirama elbowing him- as Sensei regarded him over a stack of papers. Part of Jiraiya wondered how they even got paperwork when they weren't even an official guild. "Jiraiya let Kakashi-kun go, hello Sakumo-kun."

"Hello Sandaime-sama," Sakumo returned, nodding to the other two. "Nidaime-sama. Hashirama-sama." The Hatake said because the Shodai had _insisted_ on using his name rather then title when addressing him while 'at our home base, its redicioulous otherwise'.

"Now," Sensei said once Jiraiya let the brat go. "Is there something you needed?"

Mini-Hatake spoke immediately, in that voice that made Jiraiya wonder if his mother wasn't actually an Uchiha. "We're here for our weekly payment, Sandaime-sama."

"Ah." Sensei suddenly looked less like a kind uncle and more like the sly thief he was. "He found out then? No matter, the usual rate." The man said handing the Hatake an envelope that was immediately handed off to Sakumo who tucked it away.

"Y-you-!" Jiraiya sputtered in disbelief because it was _true_.

Sensei blinked. "It's your own fault Jiraiya. I wouldn't need to assign you minders if you didn't cause so much trouble, remember that incident with Kusa-"

"You promised not to talk about it!" Jiraiya blurted, ignoring the Hatake brat's snickering as his face heated.


	8. Time Travel - Not A Hatake

**8-** **Time Travel - Not A Hatake**

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* * *

.

 **Omake - Tobirama:**

"This," Tobirama told the grave. "Is _your_ fault. A time traveler! It should be you dealing with this Hashirama, you'd at least find it amusing."

He studiously ignored how it was _him_ that started playing with Time-Space ninjutsu first. It was his brother's fault.

Somehow.

.

 **Omake - Sakumo:**

" _You!_ " Kama growled.

Sakumo blinked at the, now, eighteen year old. "Me?"

"I got a page in the bingo book," the teen said, apropos of nothing. "Do you know what they call me? The _'White Fang's Blood-Soaked Shadow'_."

"Well," Sakumo said eventually. "You managed to earn a epithet in under a year of shinobi work in a major village, congratulations."

Kama glared then went off muttering something about "should go up to a Kumo shinobi and use Chidori to cut their lightning jutsu- that could earn me 'Lightning Cutter' at least".

He waited until the teen was out of earshot before finally giving into his laughter.

.

 **Omake - Kama, New Place**

His team were gone, he wasn't sure if they were even alive.

He woke in a minor shinobi village- Midori- that had been destroyed during the Second Shinobi War. He was intact, uninjured, but tired and he felt the edge of Chakra Exhaustion nudging him, he had a headache as if he had overused his Sharingan. What happened was-

 _Was-_

...there was a bijuu? Or was it a jinchuuriki? There was- Obito? No. He's dead. It must of been Shisui. Tenzo. Tenzo had been injured- a wall? Been injured protecting them. It was- the bijuu, the jinchuuriki- was unexpected and it attacked, they weren't prepared and Tenzo got hurt defending them with his Mokuton. And Obito- Shisui- and _he_ \- he...

 _Dammit_.

There were corpses surrounding him. The village was in ruins, was burning. He was sure there wasn't any one alive.

His team were-

They were-

 _gone._

.

 **Omake - Kama, Name**

"What's your name young man?" Kakashi blinked and the old man who asked him huffed. "You saved us. You're going to escort us to Konohagakure, of course we want to know your name."

"My name..." He paused, he couldn't go by his actual name. "Hake...Kama."

A person with a crooked sense of morals. A weapon.

Yes. That's what he was. "I am Hake Kama."

.

 **Omake - Kama, Dying**

Kakashi had dyed his hair before.

Once was when he was a chūnin, he had been on a mission with Minato-sensei and they were posing as a pair of siblings so his hair, including eyebrows, were dyed a yellow matching Sensei's shade of blonde. The following times were when he was in ANBU and it was only that first time, when he was a brunette, that he stuck with simply doing his head hair and eyebrows because it had nearly gotten his team killed when it was discovered that his arm and leg hair didn't match that of his head and eyebrows. Then on, he had opted to err on the side of caution and have a clone assist him in dying _all_ his hair- including pubic.

So Kakashi had dyed his hair multiple times before but this time, dying his hair a plain and common black, it was different because he was dying it in preparation for returning to Konoha- as if his home were an enemy village he was infiltrating.

It didn't sit well but it was necessary- at least until he explained to the current Hokage.

.

 **Omake - Kama, Tattoo**

Kakashi had one tattoo before, the standard ANBU tattoo.

This tattoo was different.

For one it was on his face, a reversal of the Inuzuka Clan markings in it's triangular shape yet horizontal- it's tip 'pointed' towards his mouth and end went over the ears and disappeared into his hair- instead of the Inuzuka's vertical and blue- a dark, night time shade- rather then the typical red. Secondly, it was done by a civilian rather then his ANBU senpai. Thirdly, because of the second point, it was roughly done.

"I'm sorry Hake-san!" The woman whom had done it said, bowing.

He touched the markings- noting the jagged, uneven edges- and felt satisfaction because no one would connect them with the Inuzuka's markings. "It's fine, Nana-san. These are perfect."

"O-oh." The young woman slumped a bit in her relief before hesitantly asking, "What, exactly, are they for?"

Kakashi pulled his mask back into place.

"They are Hake Clan markings," he invented. "They're done as a Coming of Age ceremony but the Village was destroyed before I could get mine done."

Now, even if he looked like his younger self only with black hair, none would believe he was of any relation- the Hatake Clan doesn't have any markings after all.


End file.
